Garden of Dreams

The Big Apple left me wide-eyed. My curiosity would kill me if I had nine lives. But you only live once, you know the motto. Now I’m well aware of the path that I’ve gotta follow. Flying home broke but I feel like I hit the lotto. This level of excitement is kinda new to me. 3 days in the city became quite the opportunity. I’ve just gotta answer the door when it knocks. That’s word to Kevin, now when I shoot I’m scoring the rock. Confident enough to pull with 24 on the clock. Not even possible, but you won’t ever get to your goals if you just see obstacles. Shoot for the moon, land with the stars. Before the game, went out with reps from SLAM to a bar. It’s just the beginning. I’m really on the cusp of this winning. Regardless of who may doubt, I’ve gotta trust my decisions. A couple things I’m not too sure if I should broadcast, people I look up to want to have me on their podcast? I think there might be some colder days in my forecast. Nothing short of greatness so I’m prepared for the tall task. Make my life a motion picture and it’s widescreen. I’m wide awake but I’m getting closer to my dreams. A name drop would’ve fit with that last rhyme scheme. I should probably wrap up this verse, it’s been a while. Scene.

     I think I’m starting to get a grip on my purpose. Was scared of happiness, convinced myself I didn’t deserve it. But now i see the life I want, I’m on a mission to earn it. Almost 2020, watch the vision get perfect. Forever grateful for Vic, I’ll write the viciousest (made up word) verses. It’s important to have some people you can count on. Your foot is in the door, so what you gonna do now Shaun? From now on, the way her son shines will make a proud mom. In due time it’ll be tough not to see. Blossoming into the self that I once struggled to be. It’s time to unwrap my gift, cant leave it under the tree. Although my life is coming together it wasn’t complete. But now my heart is full. And I hold the strings I’ve gotta pull. I’m gravitational, see what I did there? Sorry about the tangent, I’m just hoping that it’s clear. A wordplay wizard, priceless but this verse 8 figures. I’m skating in lyrics, you see the way my words paint pictures? I’ve gotta pull myself in, I’m gravitational. Operating with surgical precision, losing patience though. Malpractice, the pen is sick for life. I failed to treat the patient because I didn’t write. SwaggySpeaks, and the silence is my kryptonite. Coolest thing about me is that I’m the host of GripTheMic.
This passion’s impatient, I’ve always had it. I’m destined for greatness like I’m RJ Barrett.
I parlay parrots, repeat myself. I hardly have it, seeking wealth. I’m just tryna tell my story, listen up I need your help. The plan of action is to be myself. I got tired of wondering how people felt.

     I got a glimpse, I’ll see this all the way through. I really flew to The Garden to see RJ’s debut. A major performance, although we were outplayed by opponents. I almost dropped a couple tears due to the weight of the moment. Like “yo I’m really here” went broke to do it but I didn’t care. I felt the vibe, the serendipity was in the air. So now I’m cooking up a recipe for my destiny. Making sure that what’s best for me is what’s next for me. Because the chance to do what you love, is such a special thing. I feel the love, so many people that are happy for me. TheKnicksWall’s the best thing to ever happen for me. Now the kid is working hard like Dexter in his laboratory. What a trip, I’ve gotta catch this flight again. Made incredible connections, and met Allen Iverson? Inspired me, thank God. I’m blessed with these chances. Ironically converting all my questions to Answers. 

P.S. If you happen to be in a position to help out with flights at all you’d be greatly appreciated in helping me make it cheaper to chase my dreams lmao. Same goes for if you’re plugged at The Garden. Either way, thank you so much for reading. It means the world to me and you’re greatly appreciated. I’m on a mission to make you proud of me. Sooner than later. Stay tuned.

“I’m trying to make everyone who believed in me a prophet.”

                                                       - Swaggy T
               
S/O to Shelly for praying over me before I left, Thanks so much to Auntie and Uncle Tony for letting me stay with them. S/O to Kaila for taking me around the city. Thanks to everyone at SLAM for being so hospitable and treating me like one of their own this weekend. And thank you. For reading, for caring, for rooting for me. Love.

Up In The Air

                     Up In The Air

I’m not supposed to be regular.
These bars my calling, composing them in my cell-ular. Ironic cause I’m on airplane mode. A double entendre, you probably didn’t hear that though. I’m just getting started, I don’t know where I’ll go. This verse is in the air. These words won’t disappear. My right airpod is tripping, need to purchase a new pair. What’s this about? The purpose is the question. This is a lyrical movie, I’m just searching for direction. That’s a microcosm...
on airplane mode but the mic is calling. A lack of focus has always been my biggest writing problem. Success and happiness, I’ll find a way to have it all. Time to lock in because I think I feel the Adderall.

Took a chance and took a flight. Wasn’t sure I booked it right. Left and I’m not looking back. Now I only look to write. 2020 approaching the vision’s clearing up. I once wrote vulnerable verses bout being scared to love.
But let me not get ahead of myself, mom said be clear and concise to make my messages felt. It’s like my rhymes are in a million places. Gift and a curse the way my mind moves at a million paces.
Shaun Cena, the way I wrestle my thoughts. Ironic that SwaggySpeaks became my best way to talk. Can you hear me clearly? Or am I off track and steering weirdly? Am I developing a point that isn’t there in theory? Searching for the answers, when I talk to God my prayers are queries.

Took a chance and took a flight, wasn’t sure I booked it right. Left and I’m not looking back, now I only look to write.

I’m terrified of reality, I find my dreams safer. Make the most of this moment I might not see later. Crazy how we’re closer to 30 than being teenagers. Time flies, I’m on a plane trying to keep up. You may not understand but as I explain can you think of-
My perspective. Now just imagine that your mind’s a weapon. Trapped in your head cause you’re not pursuing the right profession. The constant firing without proper aim can be quite depressing.
My passions bring me peace I’ve gotta protect. If I don’t do this now I fear I’ll live a life of regret. Lyrical artillery, I write and fire turrets. I’m trying my best. I’d rather be inspired than stressed. Soon they’ll ask for my autograph as a sign of respect. For now I’ll verify the checks, cause I’m not signing them yet. But in due time, through a few rhymes, they’ll see I blew minds. A diamond in the rough, gotta blow up so I pursue mines. Entendre disguised as bad grammar. I’m trying to paint the perfect picture, must have a bad camera. Had to book my tickets last minute cause I’m a bad planner.
A train of thought that I’ll just take where my pen goes. I’m always in the bank, just the wrong side of the window. Too extra to be ordinary. It’s more than scary, yet I feel safe taking a leap of faith because my floor is sturdy. I thank God I got my foot in the door. I copped my ticket to the game but now I’m looking to score.

The Soil’s Rose in the Concrete Jungle. On a mission to eradicate all these struggles. To let my petals bloom, I have to give them better room. The opportunity in front of me is incredible. I’d be remiss to let it become another thing I never do. Speaking of Rose, bumping Noelle’s EP.  9 years later, Sincerely proud of how well she sings.

Manifesting meditation through the melodies. The intro reinforcing my mantra that this is meant to be. Don’t want to spend my prime years waiting for 6:00. For now I’m facing my fears, til I punch a different clock. Can’t get complacent right here, I’d probably miss a lot. Almost had my vision blocked but I’ll be glad I didn’t stop.
And I just landed at LaGuardia from Florida. If you don’t stop yourself from shooting your shot, who’s really guarding ya? Lightly contested; I write you this message to say give me a minute, watch me change my life in a second. Destined to shine, I’m well aware this light is a blessing. Life has been testing, am I the one who’s writing the questions?

Good Soil

Simba semblances slipping into my sentences. S/O the man of the house who mastered in mentorship. I’ll make my parents so proud through passion and penmanship cause everything that didn’t work out will go get a membership. 

They taught me to walk, therefore I can run. I was blessed with a father who’d go to war for his sons. And as I get older it’s so amazing to me. Forever grateful for the person that they raised me to be. They were so sure that I was special that they made me believe. I went from crawling, to walking, now I’m chasing my dreams. 

Privileged yet far from spoiled, 

this is my heart uncoiled. 

Some roses grow through concrete, I got my start in soil. 

Aware of my advantages, was scared to take a chance with this. I once crashed and burned, I came out dancing through the damages. I might show a part of me that I ain’t even plan to spit. This is the part where I let go, my mind’s like ready-set-go. Time to shoot my shot, this is the step back from the elbow. Won’t catch me in some shell toes, stick with me like Velcro. Will I switch up? Hell no. Same old Shaun, same number on my cell phone. I’m not too hard to reach, I’ve mastered parts of speech. Dr. Shaun, the pen is my needle. Words in your arteries. Honestly it’s easy to write so it isn’t hard to read. Unless you’re kinda stupid in that case my bad, I’m sorry please...

Do your best to follow along. These are the thoughts I didn’t get the chance to drop in a song. My mind is racing, I just caught the baton. Not too sure where it’s coming from but it’s gotta be Shaun, my heart in this form. Result of gifts I got when I’m born. Had some times where it was hard to be strong. I once wanted to die but now I feel like I just respawned. Searching for the duty I was called to, 

Destroy and deploy, approach the beat poised. With a deep voice, clean up the flow. Create a neat noise. Listen up, about to talk about some different stuff. Celebration glass of wine, I toast and lift your spirits up. Tryna get my bread up, that might mess your head up. Scroll a couple lines back, I’m not about to let up. Hold it down, these punchlines I throw around. Ironic how the hottest bars in silence make the coldest sounds. 

Mold the mounds, sort it all out. Distribute dope in pounds. 180 of em, never angled, keep it cut straight. 180 pounds of dope, hop off the scale, it fluctu-weights. Just a little wordplay. Took a don’t disturb day. That’s that Plug Talk, record the podcast every Thursday. 

Rate it on a scale and if they don’t SayTen, I’ll give em hell. I’m so dope I flipped myself, not writing is a 

hit to health. The story of my life told so uniquely that the script could sell. It’s ultimately all because my parents raised their children well. 

Note to self: you’re a great winner. This verse is the one that came after my girl made dinner. My plate’s set, I see the world way bigger. This passion is priceless but probably worth 8 figures. Treat me with respect, driven by the day I’m seeing different checks. Look around at everything I got out of my intellect. That’s the future, my present is a gift from my past. My brokest days’ll keep me focused when I get to the cash. I sit and I laugh at how I will be flipping the bag because I remember when life was really kicking my ass. 

I was down and out and it was bad, having withdrawals. Went through writers block but now I’m staffed by the KnicksWall. Overcame the brick wall. Thankful for the rise yet I’m still planning for my pitfalls. This might only make sense if you re(a)d it, like a missed call. I hope someone catches it, might find a hint in your call log. Went from scared to shoot my shot to overzealous ballhog. 

That’s enough, so clap it up. Talked it then I backed it up. The most important part about a verse is how you wrap it up. 

I Am Legend

     You're a genius in case you've forgotten. So much in store and bro you've got what it takes to go shopping.  And now it's time to make the flip and stop weighing your options.

Gift that's displayed in your writing. Different,

this place where your mind is, It's time for a gear shift, no more patiently driving.

Spit and go crazy when rhyming 

Rip off the face of the blinded

Vision engrained in my eyelids.

And it's a (w)rap once I mix rhythm with cadence and timing. Conversations with God, 

this my way of replying. Spongebob with the burning hand, "At least I'm safe in my mind" which is ironic cause my mind is like a safe full of diamonds.

Every verse is a heist, 

with every word that I write, I up my appraisal in hopes that I can

purchase the price.

I jotted that on a post-it note at work

I plotted to turn a prose into a purse

I've got to get through most of this at first

I probably could write a poem in reverse

I watched them put my opponent in the hearse

And then they rolled up to the church. The pallbearers went back up the stairs, I've gotta bring the line back so I can tackle my fears. 

I'm naturally prepared. I've got a gift,

this rapping is rare. It's wacky and weird,

Oblivious, yet actually aware.

I've got to bring this line back so I can tackle my fears, The pallbearers went back up the stairs. 

Everybody filled the church because they heard I killed the verse. Can't pass up opportunities, the pastor read the eulogy. This passion tends to fuel me, imagining the cruelty. I break down every word so well I even help the stupid see. Giving verses its cousin, still everybody chooses sleep. Anan$i might produce the beat. Only way a teacher learns is if they let the student speak and now that I've regained my thoughts I'm realizing that you are me. 

Just wanted to show that I could tell a story backwards but then I got distracted cause I really like to rap words. Mirror in my notepad, it's easier to find myself. When I've got to get my point across, clearly writing helps. It flows so I don't ever have to force-it, I just write what's felt. And oh in case you haven't noticed, I swear my life is swell. You made it through your darkest days, a darkness that your art displayed. Stepping through your story understanding every part that's played. I'm glad I made you proud of me, happy you were down for me. Being everything I didn't think we were allowed to be. 

Everything you prayed about, I'm here to say you made it out. More than just a story Teller, now you help them make accounts. Self-appraisal changed amounts. Story of my life should really start with "It's amazing how..." 

Delivery to desk job, you flew up out the nest Shaun. You're still a humble dude, but now it's harder to be flexed on. It's only the beginning, I'm holy when I'm sinning. I thought I was a loser but you showed me I was winning. 

Like a highlight reel, what I write's real. And if you take a chance to read you'll see 

how I might feel. Recorded all my memories and thought of what they meant to me, I really can't believe that I'm a quarter of a century. Used to think that you were doomed, now I know that I am destined. Lyrical artillery, I write some words and fire weapons. Searching for the answers when I couldn't even find the question. Everybody should be taking notes whenever I'm in session. Know when there's a Will, there's a way. That's why I Am Legend. 

This was supposed to be a note to myself, but I didn't expect to open this well. I over-excelled. Understand that you should never underestimate.

You're special, great. With diction that can decimate because you've got your head on straight. Pray for praise, and bless the hate. Know you're on a quest for fate. Destined to a point where you've got more to give and less to take. The world is yours, that girl of yours. Those pretty little curls of hers. So amazing knowing that you'll take over the world with her. Her pretty eyes, her perfect smile. Hair switches up, she's versatile. Literally a genius, it's an honor to be worth her while. I'm trying to let these words flow, she ironed out my work clothes. Can't wait to wake up to her, when I let this verse close.

                                                                                         - Swaggy T 

I Think I'm Back

If you're new here, you may not know that I do this. This blog changed my life. It gave me the opportunity to express myself when I needed it most. I'm a better person today because of it. I need this... terribly. I once defined myself as a writer and I've unfortunately gotten away from that. I'm talking too much though. So I'll get back into the swing of things with what I wrote for my performance at the last Grip The Mic, which happens to be the really dope event that I host. My life's pretty cool now. Love you for reading. Thank you so much.

An hour and a half until Grip The Mic, so I should start this verse. And I’m not sure who’s in the crowd, so I’ll try not to curse. Way more prophetic than profane, it’s so strange. All I know is this performance will be memorable. I told myself that I would go from pitiful to pivotal. 

Now look at me... I’m not quite there but I’m on the way. If you knew me two years ago you’d be so proud of Shaun today. 

And that’s not wrong to say, I put my talents on display. I couldn’t have it gone to waste. Don’t find a balance? Bonds’ll break. That’s chemistry bars, I tend to do that periodically. I’m just tryna set the table, food for thought we all can eat. Iridescent inventory, showing what’s in store for me. God’s light is my aura, ain’t no neon guts. I keep an uzi on my side that they ain’t see Shaun tuck. That’s lyrical artillery. You didn’t know? Well now you do, no better feeling in the world than mom saying “I’m proud of you.” 

I’m probably caught up on a tangent and rambling. Only an hour til the show it’s probably clear that I’m scrambling. But yet I’m rarely outta pocket, still it’s clear I need a topic. My mind just keeps on racing, might need therapy to stop it. Yet this is therapeutic. Should put my head in music. It’s like I know I have a gift but I just never use it. Falling behind but tryna keep up the pace, and every line is good dope, like the trees you can taste. I seem to embrace, the fact I’ve made egregious mistakes. But I don’t look at them as pages that I need to erase because I’d rather look to God like thanks for keeping me safe. And there’s a few in the crowd with a slight gleam on their face and maybe someone wondering how long he’s gonna take but by the end of this performance even he’d be amazed. 

It’s 5:38 and I’m just getting started. Rhymes that I paint, make you picture me as an artist cause my lyrics be the hardest I ain’t even gotta pause it. And the pen gives me withdrawals but I still keep making deposits. And how I used to have a Benz but now I pull up in a Mazda. Or how I come home from work and think “I’m looking like my father” could continue with that scheme but I’m not even gonna bother. 

Cause my mind’s too fast for the pen. It’s been three months since the blindside crash to the Benz. Totaled, a sum of parts. I’m hoping you love my art. Every time I write a verse it’s like throwing a puzzled dart. I’m tryna put the pieces together and keep my aim straight. Crazy how I put my mind to it, then I became great. I can paint a picture, like cheese. And my vision, high beams. Excuse my language but there ain’t too many niggas like me. I switched up my scene, I’m on my way to living my dreams. I’m really feeling like a king because I live with my queen. Damn. 

You make me want to write verses. Every moment’s invaluable, you make life worth it. I paint a picture and it’s quite perfect. Pick up the pen and find the right verbiage. The flow is clean I rarely write curses.

Propane no profane, 

it’s dope as cocaine. It’s kinda coming off the top, I need a dose of Rogaine. 

I’m playing no games, fly as the Soul Plane. 

Lyrical artillery, this chopper won’t aim.

That’s blind precision. My test? To define a vision. I’m blessed with divine depiction. Invested, my time is tension. 

This.. passion’s impatient. 

I’ve always had it. 

I’m.. destined for greatness 

Like I’m RJ Barrett.

I parlay parrots, repeat myself. I hardly have it, seeking wealth. I’m just tryna tell my story, listen up I need your help. The plan of action is to be myself. I got tired of wondering how people felt.

In these 98’s I’m kinda great. Hoping I can concentrate. Quit my job at Dominos and now I’m boutta dominate. Worked on my delivery. Metaphors and similes. People threw me in the trash while knowing what they meant to me. And that just don’t make sense to me. Friends can turn to enemies. Then you make like salty fans and burn up all the memories. Setting jersey on Fire, word to Chief Keef. Every verse I debriefed. These words they be like 3 deep. That’s half dead, a triple entendre. Spitting for sponsors. I’m right cause nothing written is wrong. This vision of Shaun. Reminds me of this mission I’m on. I’m free writing and scrambling so pardon all this rambling. Paint a picture like Nateil when the camera flicks. DinahLee inspired me to throw a couple lines in this. These rhymes can approach you. An oxymoron, awkwardly social. The shine can expose you, I’m the host but I’m still tryna promote you. Really I’m just writing words, teach you something as I’m cooking up this dope, Heisenberg. Scribbling, I don’t have much of a plan. I’m just thanking God that Mona made it back from Sudan. Food for thought these raps in a can. And every verse is validated by the claps of a fan. 

I’m merging verses in, catch the flow and surf or swim, peep how I disperse the pen, every one’s a perfect 10. Call it calisthenics, I flip these words for the exercise. Poetically plotting to get these idioms incentivized. Sweating, summer’s salt. Gymnastics, what’s he next to try? Word to Designer glasses, they can’t see that I special-ize. Guess that takes special eyes. I’m such a special guy. I know cause those who understand don’t ever question why. A diamond in the rough that’s about to bust like a pressured pipe. That might be a triple entendre, I hope I said it right. Cause that’s the type of line that you’ve gotta see, cellulite. FP&L, this next one is swell. I wonder how far I go now that I fell in this well. Made a wish, and did it right Shaun, damn you’re pretty bright Shaun. Now they’ll start to get the idea, you cut the lights on. Cellulite, to sell ya light? I guess I was bred to write. I’ma get some bread to write. Shit went left, I’m dead to rights. Tryna clear my head tonight. My train of thought is a runaway, the Taking of Pelham. These stories wish I had the focus that it takes me to tell em. I’m getting off track. That’s just where my thoughts at. Need to focus on my calling, sorry I ain’t call back. I’ve probably been a bad friend. I’m sorry it just happened. And I can’t even promise you that’s only in the past tense. Life feels fast forwarded. I feel mad fortunate. The Price is Write, I’ma get a bag just to afford the shit. Lyrical performances, recording from the coordinates. I map it out, then rap about them sleeping on me, pass it out. Distribute diction, it’s even true as fiction. Dot your eyes across my tees, crucifixion.

My newest mission, so thanks if you choose to listen. If you’re reading this, this is something for you to mention. 

Kill the game, myself and I are the two defendants. We’re on trial from the moment They See Us. They boast the egregious, then turn around promote them the leaders and don’t keep it secret. They say it’s fair and we’re supposed to believe it. Who wrote the agreement, that said that we get most of the freedom? 

It’s time to take it all back. Read this line in all caps. They say you’re innocent til you’re guilty, but it’s all cap. 

Born into guilt they refuse to carry. Opportunities Miss, like she refused to marry. Truth is scary.

I Never Posted This

I've been trying to reconnect with this passion in me. Grabbed the pen, started writing from Chris's passenger seat. To paint a picture, hope that I can do it accurately. To portray my vision so clearly you can actually see. I've been feeling the pressure, every rap's a release. Tapping the screen tryna tap into me. I've been doubting myself, I have to believe. Switch it up, I'm getting trapped in this scheme. 

Fear of facing reality, my dreams are getting tired. Kaila said "You got it, you just need to be inspired." This writer's block has me feeling like a shell of myself. Even took it to my therapist to tell her to help. She then asked me "who are you?" I had to tell her "myself" 

Broke but never poverty stricken, placing my hopes behind a lottery ticket. And I'm kinda conflicted, between the damage that these rhymes have inflicted, and how candidly these rhymes have depicted

My deepest thoughts and feelings as my heart was healing. If you pay enough attention you may start to feel em. I never make these stories up and so it's hard concealing things that I should stop revealing. 

Did I tear my life apart by expressing my raw emotions?

A muse of mine forever. I used to write you letters. You used to drive the Jetta. 

So I've gotta admit, it hurts dawg. Cause you were the inspiration for writing my first song. You told me congratulations when I got my first job, and had me feeling like no other girl would be worth Shaun. But at the time forever was incredibly scary. And everything I'm saying now is hella contrary. But since y'all went and did this then you better get married. Cause if you don't, I felt this pain for nothing. I'm saying way too much, I should change discussions. Maybe I should date her cousin. Show up at Thanksgiving dinner with a haircut, her favorite shoes and a new shirt. Raise my hand and volunteer to pray over the food first. Make her Grandma love me, and her Aunts say that I'm a gem. Have her mom hug me, and her cousins want to find my friends. Just so I can know the feeling of the dream that died with him. No love lost, I just feel too tried to try again. Not to mention the first girl to ever ride the Benz. She left, I've been writing since. But lately my writing's limp. I'm healing but the scars hurt. Angry with myself because I know I broke her heart first. Heard a couple harsh words, bottled til my thoughts burst. Right now my head is everywhere, and I'm about to start work. Brighter than a star search, writer with them barred words. Penny for my thoughts, ain't no telling what my art's worth. Applause or appraisals and fraudulent labels. I know the game, I've just gotta get my cards to the table. I'm carrying the Ace of Spades like shorty working bottle service cause I got bars, that was something that you caught on purpose. Ain't enough to want it so I gotta earn it. This is about to be my first year with the green, Kyrie Irving. The one twice over, the new eleven. I just Uncle drew a legend. The pen is my paintbrush, and a lethal weapon. And every time I spit a verse, inflation of the crime rate. Write it down and then rehearse, the patience that a rhyme takes

Kinda got a platform, now I've gotta rap for em. Drop a couple tracks for em. Might uplift the city and then put it on the map for em, get up out the city for a while and then come back touring. Got it through your head, if you're not listening I rap boring. Cardiac arrest, in search of love I rap warrants. And I heard that Issa slapped Lawrence. 

I'm masking my insecurities, happy that you're secure with me. Didn't have an answer for what she asked today in therapy. Cause you became the one that I always knew would be there for me

And to revisit that story from those other lines

When I told you that it's nothing bro I wasn't lying. I get it, it's been done, it's fine. Because if she wanted you, then she wasn't mine. I guess it's just crazy that's what's yours was mine. Or what's mine is yours, cause it was mine at first. And that's why part of me is wishing for a time reverse. I'm nothing if not honest, I can't lie it hurts. And this is the only way that I can find the words. I'm well aware of the bridges a rhyme can burn. But it's cool, the fault is neither mine, or yours. Cause the damage is done long before I write the verse. 

How To Get Away, it's clear this is Murder. It's cool bro, I'm not mad. And I don't care if you hurt her. 

                        - Swaggy T (last edited October 8, 2017 at 6:56 pm)

Born Again

This is only because I made a promise. To keep it a hundred, sometimes I hate I'm honest. I've got to tell you the truth cause I never lie. Lately I'm so numb to it all, I'm petrified. A collection of verses. I pose a question on purpose. Deciding to do this and my only regret that I'm nervous. Rejecting the serpent who told me to accept that I'm worthless. And I've just had so much to say since when I said I was wordless. So I'm here to speak, consider Swaggy back. Yeah it's me, you see the bag attached. I wish I could focus. Attention span that slipped as I wrote this. I shift for a moment, into my deepest thoughts. I've been quiet for so long I really need to talk. I fought those demons off me now I fight to keep em off. Tossing punchlines like I'm sizing up a speed bag. Paint a picture, time is up, where the cheese at? I take a break and enter my mind with a ski mask. This is a heist cause it's full of a gems. I look at life through a fuller lens. And when I write, I feel full again. 

Shoulders hurt but there's a weight lifted. My circle close, it ain't no shapeshifting. I know some swore we would remain winless. I know some stories got the same villains. So I know I can't let no snakes get in. Don't turn my back, but watch like Lane Kiffin. Triple entendre, don't even ask me, owl. If you ain't heard about me you should probably ask around. I bet they haven't heard either. That absurd tweeter. Throw a couple lines and try to capture all readers. Wrote hooks in my notebooks. Throwaways like a no look. So amazing and so shook. Throwing flames as the flow cooks. It's really love if you've read. Been spending months in my head. And I've had so much to get off me, and still nothing was said.

A burden like no other I carry, it's quite a handful. I'm a terrible big brother, I've failed as an example. I dropped the ball, and my parents threw it perfectly. When I say no more looking back it's really cause it hurts to see. I was out so scared and lost my parents had to search for me. Sebass called my mom and said I'm safe, that was her first of sleep. Took a couple L's in life but that by far my worst defeat. Sick and tired spitting fire, this is an emergency. No vitamins, invite em in. My heart says speak your mind again. Looking in the mirror and I'm asking where the writer's been. Rhymes come off the head first, start it up I'm diving in. Flow so deep and wavy I don't even really write, I swim. Give life to pen like life depends. Starting to see I'm nice again. I gotta hit the mic again, that's money I don't like to spend. Don't know if I'm finished or I might begin, I'm on a roll. Entendres never straying far. Life's a movie, play your part. Counted particles while waiting on the scars to close. Logically it takes some extra time to heal a heart of gold. Weighing every decision thinking "how would it shape me?" Love is scary cause I gave someone the power to break me. Can't make it part of the plans to put my heart in your hand if I think you would leave it crumbled up and tossed in the can. Yet simultaneously inspired by the thought of a chance. If taken correctly could save and protect me from being so full of it saying I'm empty. Accounts I'm not checking, my savings is empty. I'm so far from balling, I'm saving up pennies. No not really, I flip em and make a wish in the air. Glass is half full, I'm thankful that my vision is clear. I did nothing but look at everything I did in a year. Turn-em-in in March, gave a view of all the madness. Lost my mind, and everybody knew I didn't have it. 

Love is a drug and I was overdosing. When I was broke and broken and them ghosts had broke in. Demon burglars that mean to murder ya. And reduce you to a state where no one's seen or heard of ya. But relax, I'm far from relapse. Respawned in rehab. Respond to me, laugh. Special place in my heart for Sebass. It's hard to be sad. Am I over it or overcompensating? I've gotta move on because time is wasting. Learning to manage it and maintain. I'm only looking back to change lanes.  Opened the window to my soul as I explained pain. Sometimes I wish my head was clear. I lost my mind, it's everywhere. I be thinking about the days that caused my mother to cry, while coming up with a handshake for my brother and I.  Swaggyspeaks, and this is what he does every time. He just starts putting every single thing he loves into rhyme. The game of life is dope and he just shuffles through lines. Insane he writes in hope that he'll uncover a sign. And when you ask him for forgiveness he just doesn't decline. To be honest my life's a movie that I'd love to rewind. First and third person, the second one is tough to define. Cause that's on you. If I said it you know that's all true. And I was really going through it then but that's all through. And that's all me. I gave you real and that's all free. Cause I ain't ever really been the type to tack on fees. Said back off please, and still you sent attacks on me. I never fronted but you were quick to turn your back on me. But now I've captured your attention and it's back on me. And you're surprised that you ain't even leave a scratch on me. I guess you stare cause you're in awe of the climb. It was an uphill battle, I was caught up in time. The problem, when I start writing I get lost in my mind. You heard about it, started reading, now you're all in this rhyme. As I establish a connection that got lost in the lines, I'm out here battling deception like I'm Optimus Prime. Playing my cards carefully, passing and no looking. A spade a spade, I extended my hand. Don't push me. 

I know when gifted with your presence I can rap fire. So I put 20 in the tank on a bad tire. And made my way to you, just to share a space with you. Cause through it all i know your love is real so I feel safe with you. So much to say I don't know where to begin. I should do this carefully. You were there for me and still you're here for me. Through transparency it's clear to see you truly care for me. When I was crying out for help and ain't know who was there for me, you helped me get through the moments that were too embarrassing. I love you for that, eternally. You'll never know what it's worth to me. Shouldering the pain when I just should go get the surgery. You showed me when you stayed that my love wasn't too burdening. And I needed that. I've got a gift, I need to rap. Trying to refocus cause I've been having trouble seeing that. You say you hope I find some inspiration and ironically, your desire to see me inspired is what inspires me. Out of bars, looks like you helped me to set the writer free. 

Staring down their sights and waiting for you to blink. Lose it in sound Shaun, you're safer than you would think. Gated community gave me immunity. NRA views and they aiming to ruin me. I know the truth so I'm praying for you and me. Cause I know there's no change without unity. They got me in chains, what'd they do to me? Can't rap about going to Jacob for jewelry. Not one for bluffing, that's fake and that's foolery. My wallet like Foster's Home, saving up stupid Cheese. Gotta thank God when Shane gets home from school at 3. Far from facade, if I say it it's true to me. If you're listening thank you for the opportunity. Searching for answers, got lost and it ruined me. 9 months of silence so talking feels new to me. Myself, no matter how awkward and goofily. Your ear means the world, you don't know what you do for me. Break myself down just to offer you two of me. This verse so sick made him cough,end the eulogy. (Cough in/coffin/cough, end)

Life's a bitch, and I'm sorry for cussin'. Sleep left me cause I couldn't get my mind off her cousin. My mind is in great shape, it constantly goes running. I was struggling everyday but I'm off that, Joe Budden. 10 toes down, every toe's got a Paul Bunyan. Lately I've just been chasing my tale but I've told nothing. Swaggyspeaks but it's sure been a while since he wrote something. It baffles me how they could leave teachers with no funding, then cut a check for 67 million to throw guns in. We're living in a reality that's tough to believe. Where lives take a backseat to corruption and greed. This is just what I'm thinking as I sit by the pool. I want to shed a tear for every kid at that school. Living nightmare, living right there. Not hidden, my fears. I'm sick for my peers, sometimes I just wish the system was fair. It's all about a dollar, that's never gonna change. I was lovesick, writing letters to the game. Valentine's Day in my city won't ever be the same. Caught up and rambling, my mind retracts to the tragedy. Pardon my tangents, I'm trying to weave a masterpiece. My thoughts are scrambling, that's always been what's distracting me. Self doubt creeping in, look in the mirror asking me "You said I had a gift, now I'm wondering if rap's for me." Welcome to dope in its purest form, I'm cooking up lines. I've been writing this for 2 months, it took up my time. I swear every single day I write a book in my mind. Not as lost as I once was, but still looking for signs. 

Reporting live from Brendon's passenger seat. Trying to focus on one of the distractions I see. But currently Curren$y's rapping to me. And I'm trying to ignore the fact I'm having to pee. A year ago today I thought I was in my happiest week. And I'll forever be impacted by what happened to me. So why not make it positive? Thankful that I got to live. Statements of the obvious. Take it, what you got to give? Take it, what you got to lose? A chance that is. Fighting my demons, I put them all on canvases. And when it clicks I start healing like a Kansas kid. Heart of a lion, got lost in the silence. I need to make a drastic change in how often I'm writing, these bars are confining. Get lost and come find them. Got the juice with these Punch lines, each bar a piña colada. And my shoulders don't work but I'ma swing if i gotta. Canvas, I knocked my demons out. The ref ain't even need to count. Damn near impossible to express everything I'm thinking bout. Wave told me save the rest for the next, it's time consuming. A little birdie told me "just write", like Common hooping. A few projected overheads, keep the gems underneath.  Plotting out my Future, bumping Feds Did A Sweep. Life's proven one thing, it goes on. Now high schoolers calling me Coach Shaun. Just remember to shoot your shot, you've gotta score to win. 9 months since I last spoke, I'm Born Again. 

                                   "My wallet like Foster's Home, I'm saving up stupid Cheese" :)

                 - Swaggy T