Bear with me, I tend to get lost on a tangent. The flow, I caught it and ran with it. When I'm writing, I'm really talking and rambling. I've been dealing with thoughts of abandonment. I just want to be recording and sampling. Shoutout to the ones who hit my phone when Shaun wasn't answering. '05 Kyle Massey, Life has been rough. I feel weak, but everything I'm writing is tough. The first time since July I'm posting twice in a month. Bumping 10 Day, nothing's working but my pen slaves. I'm tryna get my sense paid. Punchlines, I'm a sensei. Speaking on the record to set straight. I'm tired of that rhyme scheme, brighter than your high beams. Losing my balance, because I'm not fully using my talents. Unfortunately, I'm getting used to the sadness. Serving full course meals for thought but they've been choosing the salads. I'm tired, word to Michelin. Focusing on finishing the verse that I'm envisioning. It feels like there's no one here, and I've been missing them. 100 views on my last post, yet it feels like no one's listening. I'm not asking for a pat on the back, I know it's weird. But I just ask for feedback so that I know you're there. You taking the time to read my thoughts is greatly appreciated, so much so that I feel that I need to thank you. With that said, Shoutout to Leslie she said it was art. Thank you from the depths of my heart. And thank you to Maxo, he said it was bars. Facebook comments I forgot to respond to, so I'm using this song to. I'd like to thank you for reading the blog too. KP told me to never stop cause I'm writing her life. Christian said "dope as expected" so it's not a surprise. Johanna said "this was amazing and you're extremely talented" paint a picture so clearly that you see when it's happening. I hit a wall and brought you to the scene of the accident. I get burdens off my chest in rhymes, whatshername liked that Questlove line, makes me feel like I'm the best sometimes. Leanna said she reads them all from afar. I'm just saying thank you and talking in bars.
I told you I tend to get tangential. Painting pictures without a plan or stencil. I'm always in my bag word to that dam pencil. And the Knicks pin, I keep my team on my heart. Making my life a movie, but this scene is subpar. Yet original, no one can say they've seen it before. I'm trying to do it like it's never been done, but I've got meddling funds. Back in my soundcloud days I said I'm The One, but that was back when I did this for fun.
I'm on a mission
The bars I'm spitting
Eliminate opposition.
I really don't compare to the competition. Speaking my heart, offering compassion through composition.
Spit a freestyle at Art Basel that made people stop and listen.
Painting a picture, drawing a crowd. They saw the vision and I wasn't even talking that loud. I closed my eyes and just got lost in the sound. Comfortable enough to do it for an audience now. A bunch of strangers steady rocking to Shaun's verse, for those 3 minutes it felt like I was in concert. My first MC moment happened by accident, it was Lyte though. Chris said I killed it and I'm like "it was alright bro." Producer handed me his card, I didn't call him cause I'm broke. Could he really be interested in recording what I've wrote? I put my all into these quotes. Now my heart inspires growth. The amazing thing about this is it started as a joke. Oh wow, I'm smiling. I guess this isn't a sad song. Yikes, I'm sorry just realized this verse is mad long.
I actually wrote this verse last, to finish up the first verse. Shoutout to the irony. Writing everything I'm thinking, welcome to my diary. It's clear that I'm called to help. Stay with me, I put my life in these.
L i f e l i n e s.
When things are going left, I write rhymes. To keep me in my right mind. And help me get through night time. Dropping gems, there's no telling what you might find. Dreaming of the days of negotiations, Priceline. My pen is priceless, it's quite lit. I'm through with keeping quiet. You wouldn't still be reading this far if you didn't like it. I'm blessed and thankful but still unsatisfied with where my life is. Food for thought and I'm handing out second slices. Word to Trevor Noah, I'm a forever flower. The ark analogy's never over. Living life one day at a time and I keep getting older. So I've gotta take control of today, and let go of the past. I'm broke as hell yet I have a feeling I'm close to the cash, like Swin's father. My pen harder. Oxymoron, a bench starter. Was about to talk about what's wrong again, didn't bother. I'd rather make it write, mom made steak tonight. Last time Cole dropped, it changed my life. About to bump his new album, wonder what he'll say tonight. I know I'll have to play it twice. So watch the change again, watch me as I paint with pens. Watch me write a tape again. I know it'll inspire growth, I don't yet know the outcome. To Whom It May Concern, signing off to bump the album.
It's so cold up on this ledge. I'm trying to survive the explosions up in my head as I'm holding on by a thread. One step closer to being dead. I'm dying inside, truthfully that's been something that I'm trying to hide. But if I keep the scars hidden they will never be healed. Lyrical artillery, it's never concealed. So you know without a doubt, if I said it, it's real. A wizard with the pen I'm getting better than Beal. I hit a Wall like I fouled John, lost my mind then I found songs. So many people doubt Shaun, very few I can count on. I'm living under pressure trying to crunch time. The pen is my profession but I'm unsigned. Trying to fight depression with some punchlines. My mother rubbing temples as her son's crying, and she can't sleep through the night knowing he wants dying. My little brother looking up, his older brother breaking down. Crying out for help but it rarely ever makes a sound. Even those closest to me barely ever stay around. I'm rarely seeing faces now. It's getting scary in these paintings, wow. But nary see my face a frown. Still I live with a smile. I've been dealing with this shit for a while. I didn't cut it, now I'm switching my style. Word to my barbershop, these bars are hot. That's something that nobody caught. If you ask then I will explain it, or you can ask Phil or Jalen. I'm caught up in written paintings and torn up it isn't changing, I'm lost but I'm still amazing. Painting pictures, I showed you what I said. A soldier til I'm dead because I wrote you what you read amidst explosions in my head. Told secrets that I was holding for years. Raising my eyebrows to hold in the tears. I wrote through my fears. When writing was the only way I spoke to my peers. Pillows soaked to my ears. But I know that I was chosen, it's clear. Trials and tribulations, mired in my situation. Thought I'd be doing Uber but my drive had stipulations. I'm tired, I'm missing patience. I am the missing patient. Overthinking has got me feeling absurd now. Is my fear of a therapist because I break every word down? Therapist Therapist Therapist, it pains me to write it cause of the pain that's inside it, that was a pain I'd been hiding. Cold-hearted, now I'm changing the climate, S/O to anyone I'm making this climb with. My creative writing teacher saving assignments yet I'm still trapped inside this place where my mind is. Pursuit of happiness, I'm on a chase but can't find it.
I miss when everything I wrote was annoyingly happy. Back when Chance 3 taught me that just talking was rapping. Before Chloe moved a flight away. That was a tough goodbye to say, never told her I cried that day. As I sit here and write today, reflecting on my life this way. No telling what I might just say, I write it down like right away. I swear I miss my life in May. Then and now is night and day. At night I pray to fight this pain, I'm living with a slight disdain. Lost the greatest happiness I knew, it feels my life's been drained. Performed at my first open mic, hours before that night, got saved. 6 months of separation it's scary how much my life has changed. When "I want to die" was something I was never gonna say. Back when I used to hang out with Jalen like every other day. When I was falling in love with that girl and explaining it to Wave, then I explained it to the world in vivid paintings and displays. Back when I was driving to Orlando on a Tuesday, I didn't have a clue that by December it'd be doomsday. It's deaded but I tomb raid, then edit it in blu-ray.
I miss the days when I was writing songs for my girl. Today Shaq told the chat he figured out what's wrong with the world. Greed. I knew I had a line for that but had trouble to seek cause it wasn't in tweets. And my recollection of it wasn't complete. Something about trying to spread love in a world driven by corruption and greed. Look how far I've taken the pen, what do you think? When you read these words, what do you see? I spent half a month in the sea, and about a week of my summer in Greece. I was cooking up, check the blog I put em up. Back when Shaun was good enough. Told the truth cause I couldn't bluff. I came home from that trip, then my life fell apart. Wrote a whole tape on twitter as I was icing my heart. Cause it was breaking daily. One of one, you can't compare me. 10 toes down but lately I've been standing barely. I'm weak in the knees, and life's throwing hooks. I've written so many songs, I'll turn my life to a book. To Whom It, life was gravy as far as May Concerned and I was fully unaware that it was gonna take a turn. June was tough, July I left. August, dam my life's a mess. September brought up life or death. October full of strife and stress, I realized I was quite depressed. November the month of stifled checks, December took a dive in debt. Don't know how much life is left. I'm just trying to write what's left, seems every time I'm right, I'm left. I don't know the right direct...Shaun, fully vulnerable for anyone it might protect.
-Swaggy T
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