I want to blow my brains out to give my mind a break.
Flow sicker than how much time it takes. My canvas is my sanctuary, I guess it's time to paint.
Truthfully I don't know where to start, so I'll just let it flow from the heart. On even my bleakest days my pen can glow in the dark. I'm in need of a flame, right now I'm growing the spark. I'm bleeding and even showing the sharks. They've gotten close to the ark. I'm pleading for safety, I keep feeling angry. I know my destination so where does this take me? So seasick I'm wavy, I mean so wavy I'm seasick. The turbulence in my mind has me in danger of sinking. Consumed by my thoughts hoping I can change what I'm thinking. Normally as I write I feel my anger releasing. My head hurts, this is something I should've said first. I haven't felt alive, is this an I'd rather be dead verse? Or maybe it's the leg work, to start making a statement because nothing that I've said worked. I'm sorry but I've said worse.
But I just got the beat from Ocean so now as I speak it's flowing and I've gotten the direction so now I can keep it going.
So where was I? Wiped tears from eyes. She FaceTimed me in the dark but she could hear me cry. Dammit, I'm showing weakness and showing secrets. My soul's still seeking and I can't even control my thinking. Hoodie weather, colder evenings. The pain hurts more than my shoulders even, it seems there's no relieving. Relief pitchers, could've made this a juice line. But I'm writing in the dark, it's more a recluse rhyme. I've been spending way too much time alone. I've been seeing true colors like a xylophone. This is something you shouldn't try at home. Wrestling my demons, every lyric's a belt. Confessing all my secrets, no longer written in stealth. It's been a while since I've hidden myself. Before they even hear a beat my rhythm is felt. They say I'm different cause I don't just speak on women and wealth. Then they ask about the line that hinted killing myself. There's no telling what I'm about to tell. I'm just telling my story, so truthfully it's about myself. Jeff told me not to doubt myself. He said you know you got it, so go get it. Don't worry about what any others say or doing it any other way. They don't know, you do. One day they'll see it. And I knew he was right because I just can't keep a secret.
I'M TRYING TO SHARE MY GIFT WITH THE WHOLE WORLD. My ex switched up but consistent my old girl, there's something bout those curls.
Okay I've said too much, I be in my head too much. I've been serving food for thought and y'all been getting fed too much. I'm overwriting, I'm over writing. I want to be heard. She noticed she liked me once she fell in love with these words. Okay I've said too much, I be in my head too much. I've been serving food for thought and y'all been getting fed too much. It's the week after Thanksgiving. The picture I paint's shifting. It feels like my brain's splitting.
Turn my life into a movie, look how reel it gets. My heart goes out to anyone who can feel what's next. When you've become numb to the pain but you can feel the stress, and then it finally hits you that you're still depressed. Got rid of my skeletons, my closet's still a mess. 10 toes down, still upset. But with the pen I can still impress. I've been trying to heal and rest but I can feel the pests. Life's been bugging me, I've been missing company. Writing letters she doesn't read. Trapped in a hive of buzzing bees, wish I could say it doesn't sting. Made my heart a home and I've given out like a dozen deeds. I'm too open, I want to be through hoping. My intuition to end tuition and put an end to wishing. Bright as a television, my stories they tell a vision, my lyrics present a mission. I'm making a statement. I've got nothing but faith in my savings. It's greatness I'm chasing. This maze is amazing. This hunger is displacing complacency. This page has awakened me, this anger's awake in me. This angle is taking me to a place that's endangered me. A few have forsaken me but I'm through with the slavery. Breaking the chains and making a change, displaying my pain. Don't care much for an alias but I'm making a name. Breaking the chains and making a change, displaying my pain. I had to say it again. I've found myself in this familiar place on the ledge. I can't rest easy, not even safe in my bed. Thoughts of bodying myself, I'm not too safe in my head. If I can't live the way I want...
Ehh, won't talk about it, I'll skip to another line. I hit rock bottom on November 29th. Time stamp, it's Maiya's birthday. Admire wordplay as I write my worst ways. The last verse is one I'll write on Thursday.
The lights are on but I'm surrounded by darkness. Still I step to my canvas, I'm an artist regardless. Searching for direction, I'm not sure where to start this. I'm out here trying to spread love in a world of the heartless. I wear it on my sleeve so they can see where my heart is, I'm losing my mind cause I don't have a way to record this. Chasing dreams, I've been posted up with Olajuwon. I love the pen but I've been yearning for the microphone. So they can finally hear these writtens that I write in phone. Lately even when I'm right, I'm wrong. I tell the whole story, I even write my wrongs. I just want to record this and hear "I like your song." I'm living this life for Shaun. Putting on a show, without the lights, perform. Spitting fire, bet the mic gets warm. You've got the pen, make it do whatever you say Shaun. This verse is a new day, Happy Birthday to Jaiwon. Lyrical artillery, these pictures are spray ons. Allow me to reload this clip. Motion picture, refocus it. Fighting tears as I wrote this shit, I'm drowning in the hopelessness and no one really notices. I've been feeling mellow like I coach the Knicks. I've got a gift and I'm just trying to make the most of it. It's holiday season, I haven't had the chance to open it.
On your darkest day, you're brighter than a flashlight Shaun. Trying to focus my drive but the Benz has the gas light on. How can I stay positive with my account in the negative? They're sleeping on me and they've got ounces of the sedatives. This is what the sound of depression is. Lyrical artillery, I found all my weapon clips. Resisting the urge to doubt Shaun, I've lost count of how many people I can count on. The number's dwindling, they're done remembering. There's some assembling, assumption semblances. I wrote the next verse as I brung December in.
Have you ever felt like you were too much and not enough at the same time? Ever said too much and not enough in the same rhyme? I'm breaking down, it seems no one really stays around so I give people spaces now. Sometimes I want to chase them down. Depression's got me feeling alone, guess I should face it now.
New day, new month. Happy birthday to Ki. Woke up to find out Cole's dropping, Happy Birthday to me. Cole dropping, like a bad kid's chimney. My passion's pending. If you click the link, thanks for any cash you sent me. Even if it's the average Penny. I give my heart away, I've been giving art away. Like I'm friendly with Xannys I'm giving bars away.
It's Almost Christmas and I'm looking for a Union, word to Gabrielle. Today I thought I'd be starting Uber, took a tragic L. I'm feeling like a loser and I'm sad as hell. But I'm trying to keep my head up. Back to the the drawing board, I'm wondering what's next up. Sonic journey, Questlove. My only request, love. Situations I'm trying to make the best of. They're sleeping on me, I'ma give em bed bugs. I'm trying to wake the rest up. S/O to the man who's blessed us. Hate school, the devil tryna test us. Been serving food for thought, I'm getting fed up. I've been fighting depression, I've got my set up. Dreams I'm trying to set up. Trying to get a check up, the flow sick. I'm sneezing through seasons and reaching for reasons. I'm searching for a sign but couldn't reach an agreement. Head in my hands as I was leaving the leasing (office). Got a ride from Chris, he tried to help make light of it. The urge to cry, I'm fighting it. It feels like my whole life's unfit. Yearning for the moment where I can get on the mic with this.
The beauty of life, every day we get to try again. Thankful that God provides my pen. Flow sicker than vitamins. Let me know if you want to buy the Benz. Making a flip, painting a pic. I don't like this scene of my life, I'm tryna change up the script. Lyrical artillery, it's coming straight off the hip. On a mission for the cheese to be as grate as it gets. Someone may need this so I'm not afraid to say I'm depressed.
Watch as I put on a show, pull up a chair for you. If you need a fan, I will cheer for you. No words more assuring than "I'm here for you." If you're crying out for help, I'll be hearing you. If you lose control, I'll steer for you. Having trouble getting over it? I'll climb the stairs with you until we have the clearest view. Stare with you. I face my fears for you just to make it clear to you that "I'm here for you."
"Life's much easier when you have someone to help you carry the load, even if you can carry it yourself." - The little girl from the movie "Almost Christmas" I just watched with la familia.
- Swaggy T
http://cash.me/$ShaunGeddes
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