What Would You Title It If It Were A Blog Post (Friday)

I swear I hear "I just wanna build liberated islands" AND "I just wanna feel liberated iiii" every time. And ever since I've been trying to find out how Kanye made words do that. And I'm gonna figure it out. It's resulted in a lot of experimenting. You heard it if you listened. With words I paint pictures so you heard em as a vision. Now you see it? Listen up, cause the story's picking up. Not gory but this is blood. A clot, it's sicker stuff. The plot has thickened up. I paint a picture of myself, I let you see me. Then I bring that picture to life, I write in 3D. Drowning in my own mind, you see the flow is getting deeper. Losing the thoughts in my head, I can't control enough to tweet em. It's like my phone is not receiving. Adam in my mentions, I can't scroll enough to tweet him. It's like my phone is just off, I go and I start. I stop when I start. I start in my head, and stop at my heart. So as I sit up on this couch feeling like chicken, fried and baked. Laughing at seeing Jordan doing the Jordan crying face. I decided it was kinda safe to find out where my mind could race. To focus the attention for the little bit of time it takes. I rock, I'll give the bombs a break. I rock like when diamonds break. I rock, when my mind goes blank, and I really have my mom to thank. I rock like when time is saved, like getting the one you told "you will be mine one day". I just love having the ability to rhyme this way. That's something I don't often take the time to say, my mind is great when I concentrate. I show you my mind, I write a play. I write to say that this ain't bragging this is something that I have the right to say. Cause I really didn't even plan to write today. I'm just speaking in a writer's way. Letting my thumbs show them all the things my mind would say. But it's like my art is signed away. I'm giving my heart to people I once didn't give the time of day. I mean just look, I'm giving rhymes away. Because now when something is on my heart, it doesn't fight to stay. Anything I have on my heart, I have the right to say. And anyone that is in my heart, I can not replace... I told you I'm putting on a show, every single part is played. Every role played a role, every single plot that changed. Had some ups, had some downs. I was like the stock exchange. Had some love, had some clowns. You can guess which bonds remain. Stock exchange, bonds remain... CAN'T YOU SEE WHAT SHAUN IS SAYING? Can't you see his blog displayed in tweets as he writes this way? Can't you see his blog has changed? Can't you see his rhymes insane? Can't you see the happiness really is all the conquered pain? Can't you feel these things his mind didn't know his heart would say? About how his light was once dim although he shines like a star today. Lost myself in my heart, man just stick to the fun Shaun. I could pull anything off with these Air Max 1's on. I told you this is a play, now I'm on the scene. In the Sonata with Dre and Darren like August 2013. Now we're in the party, Darren's surprise. People that knew me then no longer see the fear in my eyes. But let me wrap this up and get back to the real world. Painted a 3D picture, my pen made you feel words.
                                                                   
                                                                                   -Swaggy T

Sorry Mom (And Dad)

They weren't connecting with the kid, but then they switched over. Cause I gave em my whole heart, and the leftovers. I gave em all the things in my head that I stressed over. I gave em all the things I had once been depressed over, the things from the time where I couldn't have sex sober and I didn't have a home so I couldn't have friends over. The things about where my money was funny, like dam my ends over. The time where I was influenced by Cole selling that Range Rover and the happiness that I explained by telling them "yo that pain's over". My homies down to earth, we all moving on the same orbit. My homies travel minded, down to kick it through insane borders. That means even if things get Messi, we will remain forward. That's a striker flow, she never met another like me bro, but she's feeling what I'm striking though and she feel it a little more every time I strike it yo. Man I'm talking about the strike when I'm writing flows. With the strike of the pen, dam I'm writing again. I know dam well she'll like it again. About them days she might be a friend, and I'm praying that she's still around cause I know dam well my life will ascend. Upon this gift my life will depend. A life that I once wanted to end. But I swear I won't want that again. And since embracing the real is crippling my will or want to pretend, I'm sorry mom, I be smoking blunts with my friends. Now before you run up in my room acting out this movie's next scene, please hear out what I was building while waiting on y'all to catch me. Didn't know who would catch me, thought it'd be dad first. But you be thinking I'm drinking and yo, alcohol's mad worse. Never took a hit til college, and I looked up the facts first. Cause I had seen what drugs could do, saw ________ go down that path first. And I know that troubles you, I'm so sorry, cause that hurt. And you're gonna talk to me but you're gonna call dad first. Gonna call him from your office like you don't care that he's at work. And say "I couldn't believe he just put it in that verse." But you be thinking I'm drinking and yo alcohol's mad worse. Never took a hit til college, and I looked up the facts first. Pen game on lock, but I'm packing the password. Sorry I got distracted by how I ended that last verse.  Accidentally wrote the next verse in my head, I think it's on my mind again. 2:42, I still got a lil time to spend, it's much safer for me to smoke than to drink heinekens. Lost myself in the conclusion, 3:11 I finally find the pen. Jogging my own memory, running through my mind again. The verse I lost in my head, man here goes nothing, here goes something, so real it leaves your ear buds buzzing. These bars have become so raw, you can feel one coming. I didn't lose myself, just had to stall with the pen while I scrambled to recover what was lost in my head. So when you'd say please don't ever do it, it would hurt way too much. But it's not a gateway drug, it's the only one I ever touch. I'm not out here experimenting just to be obnoxious. I did extensive research for this, I was supremely cautious. I don't take any chances, I never even trusted adderall. I highly doubt you're gonna read this and not be mad at all. But if you look you'll see it's way less harmful than alcohol. So in a way I hope that you're relieved when you find this, cause you were under the impression I was drinking and driving, that's much worse. Don't really care much for alcohol, cause the fun hurts. And then before it ever gets better it must become worse. I've been writing this letter so long that I think my thumbs hurt but please understand I'll always take care of your son first. No rash decisions, moving with mad precision. There's no disaster hitting. I'm thinking safety first, I promise no crash collision. And even though I've gotta go, I can always come back and visit. I went from being unable to see, to now I have a vision. How ironic I went to church, and now I'm on a mission. It hurts to tell you but it was hurting more to hide how I'm living. Coming home afraid to even turn on the light in the kitchen, walk up the stairs light as a pigeon. Or in the car waiting to be sure you're asleep, so I write as I'm sitting. That's been a very productive writing position. (If you don't understand that now, you'll get it right at the ending) I knew I would tell you, but I thought you would ask first. Pen game on lock, Mary gave me the password. I see more clearly and write better on those days. And believe it or not, it's made those headaches go away. Now I'm free to dream and focus on better days. Been free writing way too long, I'm focused on getting paid. That little girl inspired me although I forget her name. Beyoncé ain't the only one to make millions off Lemonade. But look mom, I love you. I'm sorry if you don't like this. But the longer I didn't tell you, the more I felt I was lying.

Life is chess, you're my queen. I can not replace you. I know that you're concerned with how my blog portrays you. You gave me life and a great one, I can not repay you. Remember when you said you couldn't wait for the day I saw that I am greatness? The best part of this letter is "Look mom, I made it" Cause I just had to tell the truth, that I am not an angel. But I can assure you that I am not in danger. You gave me life and a great one, I can not repay you. That's why I'm sending this to you before my blog displays it. Because if you just say the word, I will not display it. So if you're reading this right now, you owe my mom a thank you. I'm on here directly telling my mom about things I never even tweeted. So everything I speak, you know you can believe it. Right now I'm giving you my heart, that's why you know I'm bleeding. Posting things that I want to delete before they're ever seen. Because of what I said to my mom, it might set a scene. Her busting in my room door, letting out a deadly scream and punching me in my head so hard, that my neck would scream. Telling me "boy get out my house," quite aggressively "You think that you gon be up in here disrespecting me? Just the thought of you doing those things is vexing me." I'm sorry mom, I'm getting way too comfortable with the pen, you see. But I can't stop myself cause I'm trying to write my legacy. Right now I'm giving you my heart, that's why you know I'm bleeding. Done with the part that was talking to my mom, now it's you I'm speaking with. You can trust me but you can't tell me nothing cause apparently I've completely lost my ability to keep a secret. You can trust me but you can't tell me nothing cause I wrote a whole song about what was going on as I was playing Sequence. You can trust me but you can't tell me nothing, cause you just read the moment that I told my mother about the weed clips. You can't tell me nothing, now the rhymes are getting more egregious. Real humble kid, but I've been feeling like my writing's genius. You can't tell me nothing, bars are colder than precincts. You can't tell me nothing, your woman crush in my recents. You can't tell me nothing, I'm telling you all my secrets. Once I told you how many, so many will try to read this. See the secrets, they just ride with the wave, I make it flow well. Gotta go way back to catch em, like Odell. My only fear was that I'd run out of secrets. Like Trump voters, I told 12. And still there's one of those secrets I'm praying I won't tell. Cause if I told it right now I don't think it would go well. 3 AM in the Benz, okay I guess it's that time again. The blog posts got more organic when I decided to rhyme with them.

                                                                  

                                                                        -Swaggy T

Shoulder Pad

I'm playing my cards, in need of a deal. Couldn't formulate what I was thinking, now I speak what I feel. As I look back upon a time where I needed to heal, cause I wasn't hearing the things that I needed to hear, in a time where I would write, but no beats would appear. The time I didn't feel like anybody needed me there. Where only my fear of suicide was keeping me here. Normally avoid this time in my mind but lately creeping in here. Yeah lately I've been visiting pretty frequently here. Every time I open this closet there's more demons in here. Cause every time I come back, there's more secrets in here. So I get em off my chest, now they're secrets to hear, they once clouded my head, now they're seeping through ears. And I swear every time you hear me speaking this clear, another demon disappeared. "Kept my talent locked away in my closet with all those skeletons and demons but they won't stop it. A genius that had to sell his clothes at Plato's Closet."

I'm spilling way too much of my heart, it's like my nose bleeding. I was just treading water but then the flow deepened.

Paused here to write a part of the next verse, yeah I'm gambling,  I'm on a tangent and rambling, dam my thoughts are too loud. Let me get back to the first thing I was talking about. Where only my fear of suicide was keeping me here. Where I just wasn't as happy as the tweets would appear, and my parents weren't around me so my peeps weren't aware. The only love that I could feel would have to be from my peers. See the year before that it was Tyaire, Darien, Brendon and Shaun. But this semester Tyaire, Darien and Brendon were gone. And I didn't know I needed love so I wasn't looking for it, when the kid ain't have a home and there was no home cooking for him. And even when he locked himself away in his room for 4 days and there was no one looking for him, until Darren, Dre and Devontaye burst into the door, saw them demons and took him from em. In case you're wondering about the gamble I took earlier I paused here. That's why I'll always love those guys, yeah that's my squad there. Because I know without them, I am probably not here. I swear they'll always be my brothers, even though I'm not theirs. Had a talk with my mom about the bonds a frat tears and I just couldn't help but cry and think "it's really not fair". And now it's starting to seem like they really do not care. They may never even see this, ain't reading my blogs, dam. Feeling stumped as the Greek family tree leaves me in a logjam. I slipped back on the tangent, aww man. I just did a thank you in 3D, oh I can't believe I missed her. Became more than my best friend, forever Francesca is my big sister. Cause there was a point where the only time I'd ever feel love was with her. Currently drowning in tears, it's really deep for me. Cause when I couldn't find a home in my heart, hers would beat for me. I love her forever, we ain't blood but I know she'd bleed for me. One of few people who didn't birth me who would do whatever I need for me. When I didn't have a ride to get food, she was feeding me. And that's why she deserves the world, she's a queen to me. While I'm talking about this time, the people and what they mean to me, I'll scratch the surface of a friendship that's way deeper than it seems to be. Dam, I'm crying again. I'll get back to where I left, becoming right with the pen, through the things I write with the pen with no strike of the pen. Sitting behind this canvas and painting my life's image. I'm forever with the pen, every bar is a life sentence. Off track, did it just cause I, now where was I? I'll scratch the surface of a friendship that's way deeper than it seems to be. I'll love him far beyond the days we have kids of our own. I'll never forget the nights I cried to Chris on the phone. And told him about how I felt like I was missing a home. When everything I was doing seemed like I was doing it wrong, he was one of very few people that would listen to Shaun. When I was writing about my pain, he would listen to songs. If I tweeted something dark my fingers could count how long it took him to call. That's love, love I didn't know I was looking for. That's the love I was granted but didn't know I took it for. And when it comes to granted I'll always feel like I took her for it. Sheli was one of 3 people at home who knew that something was wrong and she's up next. Back then I ignorantly reduced her love to "she's obsessed" but when I locked myself in my room, stopped tweeting, ignored calls and my inbox she felt my stress. Didn't even follow him at the time but she needed someone to check on me so she hit up Chris. And as I think about that time I get so upset because she had a big heart, it was double X. She was kind and I was stupid. I tear up as I remember that she cried when I reduced her. But I think now she finally understands that at that time, I would've ruined her. And if you didn't you just read the words Sheli, it's set in stone. She's the second description, I said there with three at home. Now at this point we had fallen off a little, communication wasn't too strong. But she only had to talk to me once cause at this time she really knew Shaun. Ended up telling her I felt like my parents couldn't love me, and she replied "they do Shaun. They would never stop loving you because you don't do well in school Shaun. No matter how down you are they'll never give up on you Shaun." But that was around the time I thought they wish they had a new Shaun. They built me up perfectly and I didn't pan out, they can't redo Shaun. I guess I have something in common with that other chick after all, I blew Shaun. But stick to your guns bro, don't become a new Shaun. You're getting off track. Remind me, what were you on? Ahh yes, Ashley. She hates me, loathes me and gets mad at me. But way back when, she had it bad for me. Since then, love she's always had for me. Sometimes I feel like she's bad for me, my mom says we act so dramatically. But still have that bond where if she's at the crib I don't tell her to leave so my dad won't see. I know that I try not to brag on these but I'm feeling like this is a masterpiece. But I can't stop here, haven't covered enough, let me add a piece. See the year before that it was Tyaire, Darien, Brendon and Shaun. But this semester Tyaire, Darien and Brendon were gone. But Dre was my guy from the jump, that was my homie. Our bond is realer than rap, never phony, so anything that I ever give him, he doesn't owe me. See housing was full, and I was mortified. He told me not to sweat it and told me his dorm was mine. The 5th roommate in a room where there were only 4 provided. They treated me like family so we were all excited. But I knew I was a burden even though they all denied it. Though they never really showed it, I knew they all would hide it. It was the elephant in the room when they all were quiet. They treated me like a roommate, it was such an honor yo. At the time where the one thing I was looking for was home, as I was stuck on that waiting list. On those late nights when I didn't have keys, Dre gave me his. At the time where the one thing I was looking for was home, when I needed people around me to feel I was not alone. Dre, Dani and Josh taught me that handshake no matter how far it goes. Getting things off my chest, now my heart is exposed, but I've gotta open up to put my heart in these flows. On a tangent once again, it's like I start then I go. Let me take you to a time where I was locking a door. See I went up there with nothing and no ride to the store because my parents kept my whip, I couldn't drive anymore. Didn't have keys to anything, a dorm, a room or a house. Then Dre and Q12 let me spend two months on their couch. And I've gotta write about shorty, I really can't forget her. She was popping and kept me on my toes like a blister. That bond we shared is spoken by way more than words can show in that picture. I realize things got way worse after I dissed her. Because she was my left hand, I cut her off then my wrist hurt. But to this day no matter how far we fall out I'll always tell Marissa I miss her. Okay so now I'm locking doors, I've got the key to an apartment. I thought the storm was over, this is when it started. I felt so dependent and so isolated. You hear that combination and you could see why I'd hate it. See back then Darren and I grew close quickly but now I'd seen he was legit. Cause he'd find a way to my crib even though neither of us whipped. Because he wanted to, it was by any means for him. But looking back I think it was because he knew I really needed it. But he never knew the extent. Nobody ever did. Ben and Andy did the same thing, I remember it. But if you don't tell em they'll never know how much it meant. That time without them, man it wouldn't have been too safe, countless hours sitting on the couch, playing 2k. On those long nights, they helped me make it to a new day. You'll never know how much you helped me, yeah I'm talking to you Taye. You went from a kid I hooped with with the funny accent, to exactly the friend I needed. It's like it was magic. Realized what was going on and started giving me rides daily so I wouldn't be alone and perpetually isolated. But nah it wasn't magic, I know it was God's placement. I locked myself in my room, but you didn't allow me. Started bringing everyone over because I needed people around me. I was drowning in the deep when you found me. And that's why the love for my team is so real, because they showed me love when that was all I needed to feel. Even though it seems they're fading, I'm just keeping it real. They were the bandage of brothers at the time I needed to heal. It's not even their fault, I just happened to leave. So the things that happened to them never happened to me. And in addition I can't forget Jarrett and Steve. They all helped me escape a time I couldn't imagine or dream. When I locked myself in my room and I was trapped with my screams. I didn't know I was looking but I had the love, the more demons I subtract, the more everything is adding up. But too many tears are falling so I think it's time to wrap this up. I finally found a shoulder to cry on, I wish the pad could hug. I was at my weakest when I was acting tough, but now I'm strong enough to realize that I don't have to bluff. I said there were three at home, what a neglectful mistake, just realized about that time I first connected to Wave. And I know that it's real cause she hasn't left to this day. And that goes for every name I dropped, they're why that pain had stopped. They're all still around, even if they're not around. My spirits seem to be lifted up every time my guard is down. Still in my heart, even though they're not in town. I think some of em are aware that they changed my life, but they didn't understand that they saved my life. 

3 am in the Benz, tears leaking, my eyes closed. Looking back on those dark times at Florida Gulf Coast. Been sitting in this car for hours, where did the time go? I'd say this isn't a rap, but look what do I know? The rhymes became more organic once I wrote them as blog posts.

                                                                                   -Swaggy T

Note to Self

What's good bro? Long time no see. Feels like I've known you longer than I've known me. We don't speak, but your memory is what's driving me. I see you got your first whip, that's a nice 03. Heard you finally built the courage to defy Coach P. And that hoop nightmare left you trying to find your dreams. Just know it'll be okay. Don't cry, don't scream. Even when you're on Elm Street it's not your final scene. But if you're looking for a role model don't keep your eyes on me. Because you set a bunch of goals, and I missed them all. You thought you found your calling, I missed the call. You gave your heart to the game and still I didn't ball. I'm one of very few people who knows the real you. All the chances I passed on, I'm so sorry I failed you. You were on the right track, now I've gone and derailed you. My first semester of those college classes, I failed two. I'm not the hooper you could've been, nor the student you should've been. I'm so sorry I wasted the time you were putting in. I promise I'd go back and do it right if I could again. But life just doesn't work that way, game with no rematch. I'm sorry you'll have to live through the pain that I've rehashed. I was trying to ball like Swin but couldn't see Cash. You were going for it all like running a fly route, I turned around and went home on the way to that D1 tryout and I'll never forget, I just hope you forgive me. I love you so much, you've got both of my kidneys, no matter how much I grow, I know you're within me. But I wasted your gifts, nothing but coal through the chimney. You're gonna go through some tough times, listen when I tell you now. You were looking up to me, sorry that I let you down. You were born a young king, sorry that I missed the crown. You were reaching for the sky, I'm sorry that I hit the ground. You should've been in the game, I'm sorry that I'm in the crowd.

You say long time no see, for me that's not as true. It's been a long time since we linked, but I've been watching you. That's real love. I've got your kidneys, you've got my heart in you. I know you didn't finish all the things that I'd start to do. I know you didn't always get it done when you had the option to. You said you'd come back and change it all, this is me stopping you. The past is the past, leave it behind. You gave me your point of you, now let me give you mine. I love you exponentially, a tear has begun. Like the Power of Zero, understand that we're One. And I'm beyond proud of the man you've become. Maybe you don't remember, I did things that were stupid as hell. I'm honored that I can see a bit of you in myself. Yeah I had some hard times, but they weren't too rough. I look at you in the mirror like "Thank God I grew up." I've been with you the whole time, so I really can see. You say you let me down, but you're a hero to me. Your positivity changes days, minds, and lives. That's already way higher than I had strived. Don't allow modest perceptions to blind your eyes. I wanted to die once and now because of you, I'm alive. You say you put me in those tough times but it's because of you that I survived. I thought I'd never make it back, but through you I've arrived. Because you managed to do away with that childish life while still never aborting the child inside. I love you for that. You've got a gift, I love when you rap. This is def poetry, I hum as I snap. Like buying a new home, you fell in love with the pad. And I pray you write until the day your thumbs aren't attached. Opposable. Oppose the fools who couldn't see the most in you. You said you wasted my gifts, but I see a multitude. You even found the ones I hadn't uncovered too. You were there for me in times where I didn't know what to do, cause you look out for me and my little brother too. I know you've got love for me, cause you love my mother too. And you look at my father like a superhero too. But on those days that he couldn't save, I'd go to you. Thanks for being the big brother I didn't have. Thanks for wiping away my tears when I was really sad. Thanks for helping me smile on the days I couldn't laugh. I'm not even tripping over those classes that you couldn't pass. Failed college algebra, but I know you're good at math. Addition by subtraction, got rid of people that wouldn't last. If they're meant to be around, I know that God'll put em back. 5 years later you're still in touch with shorty that got me started writing. So I know well that those who matter will stick around, that's the way that life is. I appreciate the friends you brought me and I love em cause they're special. With each and every one I think about the day I met em. All the main characters in the story of my life started out as extras. But back to you. I remember your misery, and now you're a happy dude. There's no doubt about it, it's clearer than Absolut. You wear your heart on your sleeve so there's nothing you have to prove then you share it with the world like tossing an alley oop. You've changed a lot of people's days, a few people's attitudes. A couple people's lives became different after you. A few people have been inspired, I saw it happen too. And you weren't even trying, it's just the automatic you. I see you touching hearts doing what you're glad to do. By just following your heart, while remaining rational and that's a balance too. You've found your purpose so now what you want to do's what you have to do and I can't understand why you apologized I ain't mad at you. On the contrary I actually think you're magical, to be able to reach people solely with the way you carry you. 20/20 I see it clear with no contacts in. You reached people I never thought I'd come in contact with. So how can you say you failed me when you showed me the real me? When I couldn't find a home in my heart, you gave me realty. You put your arm around me at a time where no one could feel me. You listened to me cry at a time where no one could hear me. I can't accept your apology, cause I don't know why you said it. I owe you more than forgiveness, I'm forever indebted.

You've gotta learn yourself to teach yourself. You won't know you if you never meet yourself and if you don't keep in touch, you'll never reach yourself. If you don't look within, you'll never see yourself. And if you don't know the whole you, how can you complete yourself?

If you don't do it, it will not happen. Every single line has rhymed and I'm still not rapping. Wrote it like there were two of me. But it's just the younger me, speaking to the newer me. To Whom It May Concern, a letter to myself. Every single day I live, I'm bettering myself. Wordsmith, words sick but they're bettering my health.

                                                                         -Swaggy T ft. Shaun

                                                                  

Victor or Victim

I had quite an interesting month of March to say the least. Jam packed with ups & downs. Situations some would envy, circumstances some would pity. I started the month off by having the tire of my old car slashed by an angry stranger in the parking lot at work, and ended the month having my new car tampered with by a disgruntled former associate, in the very same parking lot. Funny how things come full circle that way. But I'm getting way ahead of myself here so I'll backtrack. At the start of the month I found myself in a new situation with what I guess you could call a special friend. Things were great. As the month went on, things got progressively worse and it was a strain on me as I watched my friend turn into a completely different person and the situation grew incredibly toxic. Our friendship suffered because there wasn't much to hold onto, I simply couldn't do it anymore. It sucked, because the person I started the month with was completely gone, so it felt like I'd lost a very close friend. By the end of the month all contact was cut off.

At the start of the month I found myself in a familiar situation with a car I'd grown tired of. No pun intended. I upset a lady in the parking lot on my way to work by taking the parking spot that rightfully belonged to me. A day later while driving home I realized that my tire was flat. She cut it. I had to come out of pocket with money that I'd been saving for a new car to buy a new tire for the car I was tired of. That was incredibly frustrating. Shortly after, my situation turned around. I got a new car and immediately made an Instagram appearance. Things were going well. I spent all of the money in my account on it but I wasn't worried because I was planning to sell my old car at CarMax and immediately recover financially, which worked out perfectly because I had a trip planned right after. Didn't work out that way. CarMax gave me an offer so low I refused to accept it. So suddenly I was an hour away from leaving for the weekend and found myself flat broke. Few feelings are worse than being broke when you thought you'd have money. Come to think of it, this might be better explained by this unfinished blurb that's sitting in my notepad. "I'm in that Benz with the paper tag. That ain't to flex, man I hate to brag. It's just in the process in which I state the facts of how I bought a Benz and now I can't pay for gas. Saved up first to see how long my paper lasts. Thinking I'ma sell the Jetta and just make it back. Took it to CarMax, they dam near told me take it back. Now I need money from my pops, but I hate to ask. Cause I feel I regress a bit every time I say "Thank You Dad" Chloe said I'll spot you, don't worry just pay me back. Somehow I've been reduced to handouts, how insane is that?" So here we are, the last weekend of the month and I've had my fair share of highs and lows. That ended up being one of the roughest weekends in recent memory for me but I kept it to myself. I took an L that it felt like I'd never recover from. A lifelong loss. I felt like I'd lost my best friends. After escaping that low feeling, on the last day of the month I walked out of work to see that my car had been messed with. An apparently fitting end to what seems on the surface to be a very trying month.

But that's the beauty of it, it wasn't a difficult month. Didn't feel that way at all. I was in high spirits all month for the most part. In retrospect, March was a fantastic month for me. What I've learned recently is that many times you can't control what happens to you, but you have full control over how you react to it and the effect it has on you. At the end of the day, negativity is a choice. I've learned to find positives in every situation, and that's helped me navigate life's twists and turns. If you're on the highway and it starts raining, do you pull over and complain about the weather or do you figure it out and get to your destination? Do what you have to do to get out of the rain, it's that simple. You may find it strange that I only spoke on the low points of March in this post. Well the way I see it, the blog is sort of a learning experience. I learn from everything I write, and I hope people learn things by reading. A wise man once said "Was taught to be a winner but I learned more from my losses" - Fab

Some amazing things happened for me in the month of March but they'll reveal themselves in due time. Those positives are what I focus on, and they make my losses seem minuscule and irrelevant. We all take L's. It's a part of life. But positivity is always an option. Chase heaven or wait for hell to find you. Defy your L's, don't let your L's define you. My friend Jalen inspired this post because we were discussing circumstances and he said "No matter what, we're always given a choice. You can either conquer your problems or be overcome by them. You can be a victor or a victim." I won't ever forget that and I hope anyone reading this won't either. Losses end games, losses end streaks, they even end seasons. But losses don't end careers. No matter how many losses you take you can come back and try to win until YOU decide to give up. No one has ever been forced to retire because of a loss. The Lakers have lost 60 games and Kobe is only retiring because he wants to. You don't get to the end without taking a few losses along the way. There are two L's in Finally. Don't be a victim. I have a philosophy that I've lived by as of late where I do my best to make sure I don't let the same thing ruin my day two days in a row. I don't pull over and sit in the rain. Win or lose, victors cruise.

#GetOutOfTheRain2016

                                                                             -Swaggy T