Note to Self

What's good bro? Long time no see. Feels like I've known you longer than I've known me. We don't speak, but your memory is what's driving me. I see you got your first whip, that's a nice 03. Heard you finally built the courage to defy Coach P. And that hoop nightmare left you trying to find your dreams. Just know it'll be okay. Don't cry, don't scream. Even when you're on Elm Street it's not your final scene. But if you're looking for a role model don't keep your eyes on me. Because you set a bunch of goals, and I missed them all. You thought you found your calling, I missed the call. You gave your heart to the game and still I didn't ball. I'm one of very few people who knows the real you. All the chances I passed on, I'm so sorry I failed you. You were on the right track, now I've gone and derailed you. My first semester of those college classes, I failed two. I'm not the hooper you could've been, nor the student you should've been. I'm so sorry I wasted the time you were putting in. I promise I'd go back and do it right if I could again. But life just doesn't work that way, game with no rematch. I'm sorry you'll have to live through the pain that I've rehashed. I was trying to ball like Swin but couldn't see Cash. You were going for it all like running a fly route, I turned around and went home on the way to that D1 tryout and I'll never forget, I just hope you forgive me. I love you so much, you've got both of my kidneys, no matter how much I grow, I know you're within me. But I wasted your gifts, nothing but coal through the chimney. You're gonna go through some tough times, listen when I tell you now. You were looking up to me, sorry that I let you down. You were born a young king, sorry that I missed the crown. You were reaching for the sky, I'm sorry that I hit the ground. You should've been in the game, I'm sorry that I'm in the crowd.

You say long time no see, for me that's not as true. It's been a long time since we linked, but I've been watching you. That's real love. I've got your kidneys, you've got my heart in you. I know you didn't finish all the things that I'd start to do. I know you didn't always get it done when you had the option to. You said you'd come back and change it all, this is me stopping you. The past is the past, leave it behind. You gave me your point of you, now let me give you mine. I love you exponentially, a tear has begun. Like the Power of Zero, understand that we're One. And I'm beyond proud of the man you've become. Maybe you don't remember, I did things that were stupid as hell. I'm honored that I can see a bit of you in myself. Yeah I had some hard times, but they weren't too rough. I look at you in the mirror like "Thank God I grew up." I've been with you the whole time, so I really can see. You say you let me down, but you're a hero to me. Your positivity changes days, minds, and lives. That's already way higher than I had strived. Don't allow modest perceptions to blind your eyes. I wanted to die once and now because of you, I'm alive. You say you put me in those tough times but it's because of you that I survived. I thought I'd never make it back, but through you I've arrived. Because you managed to do away with that childish life while still never aborting the child inside. I love you for that. You've got a gift, I love when you rap. This is def poetry, I hum as I snap. Like buying a new home, you fell in love with the pad. And I pray you write until the day your thumbs aren't attached. Opposable. Oppose the fools who couldn't see the most in you. You said you wasted my gifts, but I see a multitude. You even found the ones I hadn't uncovered too. You were there for me in times where I didn't know what to do, cause you look out for me and my little brother too. I know you've got love for me, cause you love my mother too. And you look at my father like a superhero too. But on those days that he couldn't save, I'd go to you. Thanks for being the big brother I didn't have. Thanks for wiping away my tears when I was really sad. Thanks for helping me smile on the days I couldn't laugh. I'm not even tripping over those classes that you couldn't pass. Failed college algebra, but I know you're good at math. Addition by subtraction, got rid of people that wouldn't last. If they're meant to be around, I know that God'll put em back. 5 years later you're still in touch with shorty that got me started writing. So I know well that those who matter will stick around, that's the way that life is. I appreciate the friends you brought me and I love em cause they're special. With each and every one I think about the day I met em. All the main characters in the story of my life started out as extras. But back to you. I remember your misery, and now you're a happy dude. There's no doubt about it, it's clearer than Absolut. You wear your heart on your sleeve so there's nothing you have to prove then you share it with the world like tossing an alley oop. You've changed a lot of people's days, a few people's attitudes. A couple people's lives became different after you. A few people have been inspired, I saw it happen too. And you weren't even trying, it's just the automatic you. I see you touching hearts doing what you're glad to do. By just following your heart, while remaining rational and that's a balance too. You've found your purpose so now what you want to do's what you have to do and I can't understand why you apologized I ain't mad at you. On the contrary I actually think you're magical, to be able to reach people solely with the way you carry you. 20/20 I see it clear with no contacts in. You reached people I never thought I'd come in contact with. So how can you say you failed me when you showed me the real me? When I couldn't find a home in my heart, you gave me realty. You put your arm around me at a time where no one could feel me. You listened to me cry at a time where no one could hear me. I can't accept your apology, cause I don't know why you said it. I owe you more than forgiveness, I'm forever indebted.

You've gotta learn yourself to teach yourself. You won't know you if you never meet yourself and if you don't keep in touch, you'll never reach yourself. If you don't look within, you'll never see yourself. And if you don't know the whole you, how can you complete yourself?

If you don't do it, it will not happen. Every single line has rhymed and I'm still not rapping. Wrote it like there were two of me. But it's just the younger me, speaking to the newer me. To Whom It May Concern, a letter to myself. Every single day I live, I'm bettering myself. Wordsmith, words sick but they're bettering my health.

                                                                         -Swaggy T ft. Shaun